“Just sleep when the baby sleeps!” has to be one of my most hated pieces of advice I’ve gotten as a new parent. Yeah, we all know about the retort, “Well, who’s going to do the laundry, cook, take a shower?” And that’s just if you have one baby. Add another infant into the mix if you have twins–as I somewhat passive aggressively reminded anyone who dared offer me that tidbit of ‘advice’: “Oh, you mean babIES plural?”
Yes, let me just ask my twins to pretty please cooperate and both fall asleep at the same time–and in their own cribs/bassinets no less so *I* can sleep.
Let’s be real, it’s not gonna happen in the first few months (or five+ months if you’re me). It probably won’t happen for one baby. And it SURE won’t happen for two or three (unless you’re one of the parents of multiples who’s already mastered a synchronized schedule, in which case I seriously salute you). Once I came to this brutally honest conclusion, I was a lot less frustrated with life in general.
But hey, if I wasn’t going to get this elusive ‘sleep’ everyone was talking about–I needed to figure out a couple ways to keep myself sane while juggling newborn twins who both seemed to alternate in their complete hatred of sleep. I needed time to enjoy old hobbies and at least some quiet.
These are the ten ways I’ve somewhat managed to gain the occasional bout of sanity in the madness of raising twins (and don’t worry, I’d think most advice would work for singleton moms too).
1. Find a restaurant that’s super kid-friendly so you’ll be less stressed about your little one having a mid-meal meltdown.
Yeah, in an ideal world I wouldn’t care what others dining around me thought–but I’m just not about to go to some of the quiet, fancy, pristine, white-tableclothed restaurants downtown with six-month old twins. It’s noooot happening. Luckily, I tend to like the more laid-back spots anyway.
I’ve found Amélie especially likes restaurants with bright, bold paintings on the walls and interesting light fixtures. She’ll stare at them almost the entire meal. And bonus if the place plays upbeat music–I barely have to do anything to distract them with that trifecta (which my favorite ramen joint thankfully has)! It always helps to order something you can easily eat with one-hand, because chances are at some point while you’re eating you’ll want/need to hold your little one.
2. Pick up hobbies you can do while breastfeeding.
Obviously, if you’re bottle feeding, this particular point won’t be as relevant–but it could still totally apply for anyone simply holding a sleeping baby! I happen to love reading, writing, and video games–so for me, this has mostly meant writing fanfic with a friend over Discord (I’m not sorry) or playing Fire Emblem on the Switch.
I’ve also found that it’s much easier to read books and whatnot on my phone, especially when tandem nursing. I’ll always prefer a physical book, but these are the times we live in. So pick something sedentary you like that can be considered a hobby (because let’s be honest with ourselves, scrolling through Pinterest for an hour isn’t quite a hobby). It’ll leave you feeling more fulfilled and productive than just scrolling through your phone, even if you are stuck in the chair tandem nursing or alternating feeding your little ones.
3. Tandem feed if you’re comfortable/if the twins cooperate (a BIG “if”, I know).
Okay, so this one is a shout out to you other Moms of Multiples out there. I know tandem nursing has a rough learning curve, and honestly–I still have a tough time with it occasionally. Sometimes Lucien and Amélie distract each other, making it nearly impossible for them to latch well, other times they decide they both want to nurse on the left side, and sometimes they’re just fussy at the same time.
BUT if you do get lucky and the stars magically align, tandem feeding can save you quite a bit of time! And hey, maybe you can even take a shower with that extra twenty minutes you just bought yourself!
4. Pump milk occasionally and let someone else feed your little one for a break. If you’re bottle feeding or have moved on to giving solid food meals, take a breather while a family member or friend steps in.
Even if you exclusively breastfeed, it’s super easy to save up at least some milk by using the Haakkaa (I seriously LOVE this thing–I have the one with the stopper and suction base, but the smaller one works just fine!) and hand expressing. I love breastfeeding Amélie and Lucien–but I’d be lying if I said there weren’t days when I felt SO overwhelmed that I needed a break from nursing. I don’t use the Hakka all the time, usually just one or two times a day. I don’t typically replace a nursing session with a bottle (except for Lucien, who has needed supplementary NeoSure since his time in the NICU), but every once in awhile it’s nice to have an extra half hour to lounge in the bath.
5. Use a carrier if one baby won’t sleep while the other is napping (alternate which baby you’re carrying).
Aside from the convenience of being somewhat hands-free for a few sweet, sweet minutes–there are tons of benefits to babywearing. If one of your little ones is asleep and the other has decided to scream at the top of their lungs (I’ve been there), secure your fussy baby into your carrier of choice (I prefer either a wrap or a soft-structured carrier) and go about your business! Most of the time, it’ll help calm your baby while also giving you a bit of time to clean, organize, or make a massive plate of nachos (clearly the right decision). I love to cook and barely have time to whip up my favorite meals these days, so this is always a nice time for me to decompress by making some of the easier recipes I enjoy.
6. Have a family member or friend take the babies on a lap around the block (or you know, ten laps around the block).
Sometimes you just need five minutes of quiet to gather your thoughts. If you have family visiting and they ask what they can do to help, this is a nice option. The other day, I was so stressed that my husband walked the babies around the neighborhood for about 45 minutes–they were fascinated watching all the trees and cars, and it gave me time to stretch for the first time in a while. All parties came back into the game refreshed!
7. Take a bath, even if it involves putting your little one(s) down on a playmat in the bathroom with you.
There’s nothing quite as relaxing as a nice steaming bath with lavender soap and a nice face scrub. And yeah, it’s great to have someone else take the kids for a few minutes to give you the time to enjoy a bath on your own. But let’s be real, that doesn’t always work out. And sometimes, maybe you still do want to hang out with your little ones while still pampering yourself a bit.
I’ve started setting up a playmat in the bathroom right next to me while I take a bath. Amélie and Lucien grab their favorite toys and they’ll happily roll around for twenty minutes or so while we all listen to some relaxing music. And in the off chance they start getting fussy, I’m right there to reassure them!
8. Invest in an exersaucer when they’re old enough!
We just got one of these, and I can already tell it’s going to be a game-changer. Both twins are totally fascinated with the thing, and it’ll give you a bit of breathing room if one is being particularly fussy so you can somewhat regain your sanity. When they were too small to fit into the exersaucer, I found they loved this music toy from Baby Einstein and this adorable singing elephant from Gund (they still are obsessed with both).
9. Once your baby starts sleeping *somewhat* consistently–as in waking up just once or twice at a regular-ish time (‘through the night’? What is that?)–stay up if you’re not totally exhausted and you’re able to put your little one(s) back to sleep any time after 5:30am.
Voluntarily not sleep?? I know, I know, I was tentative to try this out–BUT it’s made me feel more myself again. It’s not something I get to do everyday…if I’m too exhausted, I’ll go back to bed–or sometimes the babies won’t lay down in their cribs again.
But when I do get the chance to wake up before the little ones, I take the baby monitor with me into the bathroom while I take a nice shower and into the kitchen to cook myself a hearty breakfast and whip up a nice cup of coffee (that I actually drink hot)! Then if I’m really lucky, I have the time to write/read/play a game before the babies are up for the day. This little hack has made all the difference in the world for me, and I do it whenever I can!
10. And when all else fails and it’s the middle of the day, just go outside together.
This is probably one of the first tips I figured out. Family was in town a few months after Amélie and Lucien were born and we had made dinner plans for that night. Well, while all the adults were excited about the prospect of getting out and about–unfortunately for us, the twins did NOT agree. Even though they had been fed, diapered, burped, snuggled, everything you could think of–they were both still very fussy.
We could’ve cancelled our plans, but we simply decided to step outside anyway–and less than two minutes into our car ride, the babies both had stopped crying. Once we got to the restaurant, they were happy to be out! Now, don’t get me wrong–this doesn’t always happen, but I’m still surprised it works the majority of the time.
Why does it work? Who knows–maybe like us, they’re bored and want to get out! So go walk around the mall, Target, the grocery store, or just take them to a coffee shop and let them watch the baristas work their magic (Amélie LOVES doing this).
Don’t feel bad if some of these don’t work for you every single time–it’s impossible to predict what kind of your little one(s) will be in!
Have you tried any of these? Comment below with some of your favorite ways to maintain some sanity while raising a newborn!