This is a hard first “real” post to write. But I wanted to get it done before the end of NICU Awareness month, so here we are.
Unfortunately, moms of multiples are no strangers to the NICU with how many multiples are born prematurely. I was no exception–but what made my experience stranger than I expected was having only one of the twins in the NICU while the other was able to stay with me in Labor & Delivery from the very beginning. Now, I don’t mean to sound ungrateful: I’m very happy little Amélie was healthy enough to forgo the NICU…but it was terrible to see her and Lucien floors divided. I cried every time I had to leave him to return to my bed and Amélie–I couldn’t stand seeing him hooked up to tons of wires, machines beeping around him in a room all by himself. It broke my heart.
A stay in the NICU is never easy. But there are a few things I learned along the way–or wish I had done–that I hope will help any future NICU family.
- Take a tour of the NICU
Nobody wants to assume their baby (or babies!) is going to end up in the NICU. But, if you’re having multiples or your doctor brings it up as a strong possibility–this can be planned in advance. For many pregnancies, this is impossible to predict–but as a mom of twins who had been forewarned by my high-risk OB…this is something I never did but in retrospect wish I had.
Chances are you’re already taking a tour of the Labor & Delivery section of the hospital anyway. Some hospitals offer NICU tours as well, but they usually require you to schedule individually. Throughout our experience in the NICU, I realized how amazing and kind the nurses, lactation consultants, and doctors who worked there could be! Honestly, I can say with certainty that if it wasn’t for the SUPERB lactation consultant who worked with me and Lucien in the NICU, I don’t think I would still be breastfeeding today.
If I had known all this going in (or even had a slight inkling), I think it would have made the experience just a tiny bit more bearable. And I know, I said a ‘tiny bit’, but when you’re in the thick of things with your body recovering from delivery and your emotional exhaustion from the NICU experience, a “tiny bit” turns out to be monumental.
- Prepare to pump
I’m the first person on my mom’s side of the family to breastfeed in two generations, so I was kind of going into the entire breastfeeding journey blind as it was (stay tuned for future post about that!). But I had no clue how much pumping I’d have to do for Lucien while he was in the NICU. Chances are if your little one needs to stay in the NICU, you’ll need to at least partially use the pump to establish your supply and save milk because your baby may need a feeding tube or might not be able to latch yet.
Now I’m not saying to go crazy on buying stuff you might not need, but consider buying something as simple as nursing bras that can also be used for pumping (like this one). That way, you have the option if you do need to pump in the hospital–but if you don’t, now you have a nice nursing bra! It’s a win win.
- Have other family members go with you to the NICU/in place of you for a few feedings if you’re still recovering (especially if you’re nursing another baby)
The first bit of this piece of advice is easy enough: the NICU can feel like a very sad, overwhelming, and isolating place. Bring loved ones with you for support whenever you can and feel up to it (just make sure to check how many visitors are allowed in at once. Where I delivered, only two could go at a time). They might not totally understand what you’re going through, but they will be a rock of support.
But the second bit…that was SUPER hard for me. The first few days after the twins were born, I wanted to be there for every. single. feeding. For both babies.
Since Amélie wasn’t a patient in the NICU, she wasn’t allowed in. So I breastfed her before calling the nurse who wheeled me down to the NICU to attempt to nurse Lucien (I was lucky I could even try). Nine times out of ten, he wasn’t able to latch due to his state–and I’d have to bottle feed him. In retrospect, I have mixed feelings about my initial approach. I’m glad I was so insistent on trying to develop his latch, but at the same time…I stressed myself out even more running back and forth while still recovering from my surprise C-Section and I quickly burned out.
During the last half of my stay, I asked my husband to go down to the NICU for a few night feedings and even a couple throughout the day. This was SO helpful. I felt a bit guilty for spending more time nursing Amélie, but it totally improved my attitude–making me more confident in our ability to make it through the NICU experience a bit better.
- Take care of yourself!
This sounds so obvious, it’s laughable. But let me tell you, at least for me–there were many times I’d forget to eat, wait too long to eat, not drink enough water, and so on. I’d get so caught up running back and forth between Labor & Delivery and the NICU that simple things like that would completely slip my mind. I’m sure the same can be said of NICU parents who are home juggling running between their house and the hospital. It’s hard when you’re so concerned about the well-being of your little one, but try not to neglect yourself, you need your strength too!
- Know about your resources for Postpartum Depression
Both NICU moms and moms of multiples are at a higher risk for PPD. If you begin to feel any of the symptoms of PPD, know you’re not alone. About 15% of births are accompanied by PPD–and don’t hesitate to contact your doctor about your feelings! And remember, it’s pretty common for a spouse, friend, or family member to notice the symptoms before you do, so make sure you don’t ignore their concerns either.
- And finally: Try to connect with other NICU parents
Having your little newborn(s) in the NICU is an extremely difficult experience. And nobody understands what you’re going through like someone else who has gone through something similar: someone who simply wants to see their baby happy and healthy, detached from the mess of wires and snuggled tightly up to you.
NICU parents have to be a special kind of brave for themselves and for their little one just trying to catch up. So if your NICU has any kind of meetings involving fellow parents, try to go. While Lucien was there, the lactation consultant in the NICU organized a lunch get-together of all the parents of multiples with babies in the unit. Yeah, I learned a lot about breastfeeding twins (which was what the meeting was supposed to be about), but more than anything–it was just nice to connect with other parents who completely understood everything I was feeling without me having to say a word.
Obviously each NICU journey is different, and everyone who has gone through it will have their own opinions and tips of coping with the experience. Any other words of encouragement, advice, or empathy from you other NICU parents out there?