Breastfeeding: The thing so many of us assume will come naturally, but we quickly find out can be a major challenge in its own league.
It’s been awhile since I’ve done a “reflections” type post, and I’ve been meaning to finish this one for a bit now–so here we are! Breastfeeding has been a HUGE part of my life the past six and a half months, and I’m so grateful that we finally seemed to have gotten into a rhythm. But it was absolutely not like that at the beginning. If I’m being honest with myself, I was sorely under-prepared for the breastfeeding journey I was about to embark on. In nerd terms, I felt like an insanely underleveled character waltzing into the final zone of a game–primed to be one-shotted. I’m the first person in two generations on my Mom’s side of the family to nurse, and since they’re the family who lives closest–nobody around me had any experience with breastfeeding one child…let alone twins.
The only thing I knew for sure was that I wanted to at least try to nurse both Amélie and Lucien because of the countless benefits to both them and me! But I was careful not to get too hell-bent on the idea…my own Mom had the greatest intention of breastfeeding me too, but due to complications and an infection following her C-section–she had to take antibiotics that would have passed through the milk and proven dangerous to me. So if you’re an expecting mom-to-be who really wants to breastfeed, one major piece of advice I can offer from my own experience is to be dedicated to the idea without driving yourself insane. At the end of the day, the most important thing is that your little one gets fed.
The first few days after Amélie and Lucien were born are still super vivid in my mind–and one of the things that stands out most are my memories of trying to get Lucien to latch properly (or at all, to be honest). I talked about the challenges of having only one baby in the NICU: One of the biggest challenges of all was juggling trying to build a breastfeeding relationship with each twin when they were in two different parts of the hospital. Lucien not only was in the NICU, but I was unable to successfully nurse him for weeks.
The Mom guilt was real, everyone. I had convinced myself I would come to terms with giving the babies formula if need be before they were born…but I wasn’t prepared for the idea of having to do that with only one. It hit me like a slap in the face every time I had to leave the NICU or had to switch to a bottle for my little Lucien who was struggling with his blood sugar and latch while I fed his sister with relative (“relative” being the key word) ease. I felt terrible.
I was so fortunate our NICU has a stellar lactation consultant on their staff–and without her, I’m not sure Lucien would have ever caught onto breastfeeding. It took a LOT of patience and more tears than I care to admit–but eventually we got there. If you’re in a similar scenario and are still determined to try your damndest at breastfeeding, I can’t recommend finding a good lactation consultant and a local breastfeeding support group, especially for those early weeks.
In order to develop Lucien’s latch, we had to resort to using a nipple shield. Many preemies have issues or are unable to breastfeed at first, and this was certainly the case with Lucien. Every baby is different, but what ended up working for us was:
- Trying to get him to nurse without the nipple shield. Even if he didn’t nurse efficiently, I tried to practice developing his latch this way.
- Putting on the shield to see if that helped. I’ll say about 7 times out of 10 it did. But there were a handful of times where he was too drowsy due to his health issues that it wasn’t a guarantee.
- Bottle feed. If all else failed, my number one priority was to make sure my little guy got his food–so I pushed away the Mom guilt of not being able to successfully nurse him the best I could and simply gave him a bottle!
After over a month of this, it finally worked! He latched! So now, for the majority of the day he’s breastfed. But due to his height (over the 90th percentile) and weight (started off being below the 5th percentile) disparity, we had to supplement him with higher calorie formula. So at night time, he gets a bottle of formula and a bottle of breastmilk. At first, this was a way to ensure he was able to maintain a healthy weight (another struggle a lot of preemies face at first). But today, it’s become a habit that I can truly say has helped maintain the small sliver of sanity I have left. 😛
Why? While I breastfeed Amélie throughout the night, my husband or my Mom is able to feed Lucien. This has been a HUGE stress reliever of mine (and hey, I’ll take those where I can get them these days). After all, it’s so important we try to take care of our own mental health too. Our routine is totally different from the typical twin parent advice of waking both babies at the same time to feed them, but it works for us.
Did I think this would be our routine? Absolutely not. Does it work? Eh, it works better than waking both of them up at the same time did. But I suppose no baby sleeps as well as we’d like (curse whoever came up with the saying “slept like a baby!”). And I don’t know if it’s the “twin connection” or what, but somehow in the past few days they’ve been waking up within minutes of each other naturally anyway. What I’m trying to say is do what works for you. It might take some experimenting, but don’t try to force someone else’s routine simply because it’s the most common strategy. When I reached that conclusion, my outlook on both feeding our little ones and their sleeping patterns improved A TON.
So take a deep breath, parents. (Note: I’m also talking to myself here. I am parents and I need a deep breath). And just know that developing good breastfeeding habits is challenging. Throughout your time nursing as your baby(ies) develop, you’ll also face new difficulties (hello, teething). You can do it though–and don’t be too hard on yourself! Reach out to others for help and advice–and know that you are by no means required to follow their advice. I personally am so happy I have been able to breastfeed my twins, but if it’s not for you for whatever reason (whether it be physical, psychological, or some combination)–try not to beat yourself up or allow others to make you feel bad about your decision. Parenthood is hard enough as it is, and we (should) be all in this together!
How do you feed your little ones? Did you have any similar challenges while breastfeeding in those early days?